I feel troubled… burdened… I do not have a kind heart… none that goes around helping people, none that goes round donating money to those people carrying tin cans and none to those people who ask for $10 to buy a handmade key chain, made by orphans…
I feel a burden to do something for my friends, to treat them nice and with love… yet I found that I do not and have not the strength to continue. I no longer want to smile, for the sake of making people happy… I no longer want to be nice, for the sake that people will like me… cause there’s no longer anybody that will remain beside me… there’s no such thing as friendship forever… no such things as forever in this world… I only have Jesus. Only have God… yet I dun feel His presence… I feel lost, alone. More than ever… I feel that everyone has left me alone and let me just be… I dun noe how to differentiate between being dependent on people or just wanting to be with somebody who understand me…
Recently, I find that there’s now an unimaginably tall wall between my friends and me… like those where there’s no even loops holes or places where you can scale to get to each other… I feel isolated… I feel that how come everyone will neglect me? How come everyone will just leave me aside? Why is it that I always have to face with this kind of rejection? Why? Why me? Why make me face all these? I feel alone… cause I dun sense God around me… I feel as though He’s just watching, looking at what I will do next… which doesn’t make sense to me… cause He’s the only one who understand, the only one who cares. The only one who won’t neglect me, who won’t forget me, who won’t abandon me… yet why aren’t I feeling your presence around me Lord? Why?
Is this called self-pity? Is this? Then I must have been in this pool all my life… I dun want to be long suffering anymore… I dun want… I find myself unable to be… I get angry, I get upset… I get frustrated… I dun see why I should stand how other people treat me… Yet Jesus did… Jesus did…
Perhaps I could have done something more, but I realized there’s no use now… Should I pray for restoration? I dun see the point… I feel bitterness welling or rather stalking below my very skin… making me into some kind of hideous monster… I dislike everything… everyone… especially those who reject me… I feel as though I want to take revenge… lol.. what to do? If this evil side does comes up… would anyone know me by then?
I feel a burden to do something for my friends, to treat them nice and with love… yet I found that I do not and have not the strength to continue. I no longer want to smile, for the sake of making people happy… I no longer want to be nice, for the sake that people will like me… cause there’s no longer anybody that will remain beside me… there’s no such thing as friendship forever… no such things as forever in this world… I only have Jesus. Only have God… yet I dun feel His presence… I feel lost, alone. More than ever… I feel that everyone has left me alone and let me just be… I dun noe how to differentiate between being dependent on people or just wanting to be with somebody who understand me…
Recently, I find that there’s now an unimaginably tall wall between my friends and me… like those where there’s no even loops holes or places where you can scale to get to each other… I feel isolated… I feel that how come everyone will neglect me? How come everyone will just leave me aside? Why is it that I always have to face with this kind of rejection? Why? Why me? Why make me face all these? I feel alone… cause I dun sense God around me… I feel as though He’s just watching, looking at what I will do next… which doesn’t make sense to me… cause He’s the only one who understand, the only one who cares. The only one who won’t neglect me, who won’t forget me, who won’t abandon me… yet why aren’t I feeling your presence around me Lord? Why?
Is this called self-pity? Is this? Then I must have been in this pool all my life… I dun want to be long suffering anymore… I dun want… I find myself unable to be… I get angry, I get upset… I get frustrated… I dun see why I should stand how other people treat me… Yet Jesus did… Jesus did…
Perhaps I could have done something more, but I realized there’s no use now… Should I pray for restoration? I dun see the point… I feel bitterness welling or rather stalking below my very skin… making me into some kind of hideous monster… I dislike everything… everyone… especially those who reject me… I feel as though I want to take revenge… lol.. what to do? If this evil side does comes up… would anyone know me by then?
posted by didi at
10:53:00 PM
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